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Funny Quips

Published at September 8, 2006 in Fun & Jokes and Thought Provoker. 1 Comment

I found this on Alex King’s Blog :

  • Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.
  • Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  • Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  • If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
  • My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
  • Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
  • For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
  • If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
  • Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
  • Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
  • Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
  • No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
  • A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
  • Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
  • Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
  • There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
  • Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
  • By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
  • Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
  • It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.
  • There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness”.
  • People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
  • You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
  • You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
  • The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

Thanks Jim.

Some of these really made me think (read-> LAUGH)!

Eric

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Joke: Out House

Published at July 26, 2006 in Fun & Jokes. 0 Comments

Once there was a little boy that lived in the country. His family had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was always hot in the summer and cold in the winter, and it stunk all the time. The outhouse was located on the bank of a creek, and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek.

One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen. The little boy decided that today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek, so he got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.

That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing that meant he was going to get a spanking, the little boy asked why. The dad replied, “Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn’t it, son?”

The boy answered that yes, he had done it. Then he thought a moment and said, “Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn’t get into trouble because he told the truth.”

The dad replied, “Well, son, George Washington’s father wasn’t in the cherry tree.”

 

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